A young man marrying a redhead asked his father for some marital advice.
The father said, "Just remind her who wears the pants in your family."
The evening arrived, and the new husband tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here put these on."
She did and said "I don't fit into these."
"That's right!" he said, "and don't you forget who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He looked at them and said, "I can't get into your panties!"
She said, "That's right - and you won't until your attitude changes!"
A 90-year-old man was sitting on a park bench crying.
A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old redhead with a fabulous body.
Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love.
In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says,
"You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"
The old man says, "I know! But I'm crying because I can't remember where I live!"
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp.
He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.
This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes
so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,
"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive my 'Vette over there to visit?"
The genie laughed , "That's impossible.
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete and how much steel!
And the maintenance of that bridge! No - think of another wish."
The man said "OK" and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I'm married to a redhead.
So, I wish that I could understand her ......
know how she feels inside and what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment......
know what she really wants when she says 'nothing'...
know how to make her truly happy......
I want to know how she can be so damn sexy one second and be the devil's daughter, the next.
I really want to understand her and how she thinks!"
The genie said, "Did you want that bridge with two lanes or four?"