Man Parks Car, Up Front, Every Time!

In a rare nocturnal public excursion, using a rental car, it happened again...

I cruised by this place (details unnecessary), to check it out, and I noticed that there was a parking spot directly in front but every other spot for blocks was taken. I was driving on the other side of the road, and in order to snag that spot, I'd have to drive up the block, past the double yellow line, and pull a ubie, and by that time, surely, that Ultimate parking spot will be gone...

or will it?

This is where it gets interesting. After driving all the way to the end of the block, making a legal u-turn, after waiting for traffic and driving all the way back, the parking spot is still there! Awesome luck, you might say? Is it luck when it happens that way EVERY TIME?

What do you call it when you get a parking spot right in front of whatever place you are going, every time, in any city, and in any car, always....
Doesn't that transcend plain Luck, and evolve into something Freaky?

I have been into cars for a long time, and so I have had many occasions to need a place to park them. Probably more than the Average Parker, so that might make me a bit of an Expert on the matter. But I can't figure it out, and it's Bugging me, and I'm asking if there's anyone out there who can shed some light on what the heck is going on. Please.

For as long as I can remember, I have thought that it was Luck, or Coincidence, or sometimes I would do the Jedi Mind Trick and envision an empty spot, and it will be there! Always the result is the same: If I need a spot, it is there for me, right up front. Many times I will forget that this happens to me, and I will start looking for a spot to park when I get Near... Just In Case.

In my Darkest Hours, I Have Doubts, or Settle For Less, and I park Someplace Else. On the walk to the front door of my Destination, I will walk Shamefully past the empty spot that Could Have Been.

Always that empty spot is there waiting for me. Tonight again! For this is what moves me to write about this affliction. And it is an Affliction for sure.

Oh, I could tell some of the most Amazing-but-true parking stories that would keep you spellbound for hours and they all have the same basic theme, that Perfect Parking Spot, Right Up Front.

Every Time.

It's a Curse, I tell you. A Burden so great that I am moved to Write At Last. I must get it out of me, I must break this Voodoo Thing got hold of me. How many times I have held my tongue as some Occasional passenger might marvel at my Good Luck. I could never admit that it is not Luck for me, but that it happens Every Time. Who would Believe it?

Even if they did, this Affliction is NOT Good To Talk About. Most people really don't want to hear how it is that you get all the good spots, while they have to park 'round the block or down the street or whatever Regular Folks do. I sympathize, I really do! I can't control this Thing which has Ruled My Life so long.

Right. Sorry about Wallowing in all that Self Pity about how I get all the great spots, so back to the point. Confession. To Cleanse my Soul. To ask Forgiveness. To Seek Healing.

I have told some close Friends about it. And many times I announce it out loud, really Tempting the Fates, while we are still miles away, that I'm going to park directly in front of the place, and they will think it's a Trick of some kind. But it's all too real. Why don't they Believe me? Why am I so Unlike the Others?

Are there Other People Out There who suffer this way? I've never met any, but again its Dangerous to talk about these things. People could think you're some kind of nut. Well, let them! I just can't take it any more. I am what I am. So it is at this moment that I announce the formation of the Association for PWPRUFETA (People Who Park Right Up Front, Every Time, Always). If we Join Together we can find Salvation. Stay tuned for the website.

Some time after writing this story, I realized that it would be impossible for such an association to have a meeting of the members anywhere except in cyberspace. Can you imagine what would happen if these people showed up for a meeting, all driving their cars, and all Destined to park in that ONE spot, right up front? It could possibly rip a hole in the Space-Time continuum, and initiate the shutdown sequence for the Universe. This means that there will be no Association for PWPRUFETA, no website, and no search for other individuals who are so afflicted. Double M saves the world, again.

I have another parking story, and just like all my stories, it is completely true, although sometimes unbelievable. Long ago, in a land far away, I got a ticket for speeding, in reverse, going the wrong way on a one way street, while parking, and the officer who tagged me was on foot patrol. They probably have that cop's photo and the copy of the ticket in the Foot Cop Hall of Fame for the only wrong-way-speeding-in-reverse-while-parking ticket ever issued by a Meter Maid. I kept my copy of the ticket as proof, but who would believe it? It's easy to forge something like that. But it happened.

WHY was I exceeding the speed limit in reverse, going the wrong way? To get that Perfect Parking Spot, Right Up Front. Of course! But that was when I was Young & Impetuous, and I still didn't know that the perfect parking spot would always be there for me, no matter what.